Who’s Watching You? The Leadership Lesson That Changed My Career | Discipline Over Comfort Ep. 7

0:00 And maybe someone is watching you today. The question is not whether you are influencing people, the question is whether what you are teaching them. What are you teaching them? Because leadership is more often caught than taught. I'm gonna say that again. Leadership is more often caught than taught. Every result has a price. Every goal requires a choice. Comfort keeps you where you are. Discipline takes you where you want to go. Welcome to Discipline Over Comfort with Bob Terrio, real world conversations on leadership, business, marketing, and execution.

0:35 Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Discipline Over Comfort podcast. I'm Bob Terrio, and I'm glad you're here. Have you ever noticed that the higher someone climbs, the more people seem to watch everything they do? A CEO makes one decision and becomes a h- and it becomes a headline. A coach loses one game and people question the entire season. A business owner has one difficult quarter and suddenly everybody wants to know what happens next. This is what caught my attention in a recent Reuters story about Apple.

1:10 The company had reported strong results, yet much of the conversation immediately shifted away from what had already been accomplished and toward what leadership would do next. Most people read a story like that and see a business story. I see a leadership story because something changes the moment people begin looking to you for direction. They stop judging you only by what you did yesterday. They begin judging you by what you will do tomorrow. The higher you climb, the more visible you become.

1:41 I call that living in a fishbowl. Once people begin looking to you as a leader, they start watching more than your results. They watch your attitude, your consistency, how you respond when something goes wrong, how you treat, treat people who cannot do anything for you, how you handle pressure, how you speak about people when they are not in the room. And here's what w- the interesting part is, most of us do not even realize that it's happening. I know I didn't. I learned that lesson in my early twenties while working for a large retail department store.

2:19 I had already managed for a smaller local business, but this company was different. It had respected m- it had a respected management del- development program, and getting accepted into that program, it wasn't easy. The funny thing is, I was not trying to get into it. I was not campaigning for a promotion. I was simply trying to become the best employee I could be. Whenever someone asked, "Who wants to stay late?" my hand went up. "Who can come in early?" My hand went up. "Who wants to learn something new?"

2:53 My hand went up. Not because I thought some- somebody was watching or, you know, looking over me, that was simply how I believe work should be done. If someone trusted me enough to give me a job, I wanted to give them everything that I had. Then one afternoon, the operations manager, I'll never forget his name, Steve Dome, he asked me a few... He asked me if I had a few minutes to talk. As I walked towards his office, I remember thinking, "This is either gonna be really good or this is gonna be really bad."

3:21 Thankfully, it was really good. He asked me to sit down and told me he wanted me to enter the company's management development program. Um, this was just shocking to me. I was completely caught off guard. I remember saying, "I don't know if I'm ready for a job like that." He smiled and said four words that have stayed with me for more than 30 years. He said, "Bob, I've been watching you." Those words changed the direction of my career because until that moment, I had no idea anyone was paying attention.

3:52 I thought I was just doing my job. What I did not realize was that someone had been quietly ev- evaluating my attitude, my work ethic, my willingness to learn, and my consistency every time I volunteered, every time I stayed late or got in early. He was simply deciding whether I could manage people. He was deciding whether I was already living like a leader. Looking back, I realize I was already living in a fishbowl. I just didn't know it then. Maybe you are listening and thinking, "Bob, I'm not a CEO.

4:28 I don't own a company. I don't supervise anyone." That doesn't matter. Leadership has never started with a title. Leadership starts the moment someone begins paying attention to your example. Your children are watching you. Your coworkers are watching you. Your spouse is watching. Your customers are watching. Your friends are watching, and maybe your boss is watching. Maybe someone you have never met is watching you. You do not get to choose who is watching you. You only get to choose what they see.

5:05 The first management opportunity taught me that someone may be evaluating you long before they even tell you. But becoming a manager taught me something else. The fishbowl does not get smaller. It actually gets bigger. The more responsibility you earn, the more people pay attention. One of the biggest mistakes I made as a young leader was not a bad hire or a missed sales goal, it was a bad assumption. I assumed that because something was perfectly clear in my mind, it must also be perfectly clear to everyone else.

5:40 I would walk into a meeting with a vision. I knew exactly where I wanted the team to go or what I wanted them to do. I knew what success looked like, at least in my own head. I knew the outcome I wanted. We would have the meeting where I would say something. Everyone would nod. Then a week later, I would look around and wonder how we all ended up in a different place. Have you ever done that? You leave a meeting thinking, "That went really well," only to discover that everyone heard something completely different.

6:15 Eventually, I realized the problem was not my team. The problem was me. I had confused clarity in my own mind with clarity in my communication. Those are two completely different things. Just because I could see the vision did not mean everyone else could. The realiz- that realization changed the way I led. I just stopped assuming. I started explaining. I stopped simply telling people what to do. I started helping them understand why it mattered. Because people do not just follow instructions, they follow a purpose.

6:51 Leadership is not only about having the vision, it's also about helping another, other people see it too. And here's where the fishbowl comes back into the picture. My team was not only listening to my words, they were watching how I communicated. They watched whether I stayed calm when something went wrong. They watched how I handled disagreement. They watched whether I admitted mistakes. They watched whether I blamed people or coached them. They watched whether I listened or simply waited for my turn to talk.

7:23 Leadership is not just about the message, it's also about the messenger. People do not learn leadership from a PowerPoint presentation. They, they learn it by observation. Think about the people who taught you the hard work, integrity, professionalism, or how to treat others. Did they teach you through a speech? Mm, probably not. You watched them. You watched how they handled pressure. You watched how they treated the waiter, the receptionist, the new employee, and the person who made a mistake.

7:56 You watched whether they kept their word. You watched whether their actions matched what they preached. That is why I believe leadership is more often caught than taught. Culture works the exact same way. Culture is not created by a mission statement hanging on a wall. Culture is created by what people consist- consistently see their leaders doing. If the leader is late, lateness becomes acce- acceptable. If the leader gossips, gossip becomes normal. If the leader owns mistakes, other people feel, feel safer owning theirs.

8:33 If the leader treats people with dignity, dignity becomes part of the culture. People notice what leaders tolerate. They repeat what leaders model, and they remember how leaders made them feel. That last part became very real to me many, many years later. I was attending a, let's just call it a conference, when s- a man walked up to me and asked, "Hey, are, are you Bob?" I said, "Well, yes." [chuckles] Then he smiled and said, "You probably don't remember me." And honestly, I did not. It had been about 25 years.

9:06 We had both gotten older, and life had moved on. Then he said something I will never forget. He said, "You were the best manager I ever had." I thanked him and asked him, "Really? Why?" And he didn't hesitate. He said, "Because you believed in me before I believed in myself." He reminded me that I had promoted him and trusted him with more responsibility. He told me that opportunity gave him confidence. That confidence stayed with him as he built a successful c- c- career in a completely different field.

9:39 25 s- 25 years later, he still remembered that moment. I had forgotten it. He had not. I stood there thinking about how leaders rarely remember every decision they make, but the people they, they lead the most often, they do. Leadership, it has an echo. You may never know which conversation changes someone's confidence. You may never know which opportunity changes someone's career. You may never know which encouraging words arrive exactly when someone needs it the most. That is why leadership matters.

10:16 Not because of the title, not because of the paycheck, not because of the office, because people carry our influence much longer than we realize. We spend most of our careers trying to get noticed, but somewhere along the way, the question changes. You stop asking, "How do I get noticed?" And you start asking, "What are people noticing?" Those are two completely different questions. People may admire your success, but they remember your example. Leadership is not only built during the big moments.

10:50 It is revealed during the ordinary ones. The hallway conversation, the difficult meeting, the apology, the second chance, the moment you choose patience instead of frustration, the moment you give credit instead of taking it, the moment you help someone believe they are capable of more. People ask me why I care so much about leadership and why I'm always talking about the subject, and the answer for me, at least, it's not that comp- complicated. I have worked for some incredible leaders. I have also worked for leaders who taught me exactly what I never wanted to become.

11:28 The great ones, they inspired me. The difficult ones, now they educated me. Every one of them shaped me. Somewhere along the way, I made a decision. I wanted to become the leader I wish I had. Not a perfect leader. I had made plenty of mistakes, but a leader who listens, a leader who gives people opportunities, a leader who tells people the truth, a leader who builds confidence instead of fear, a leader who treat- treats people the way I would wanna be treated. Remember the golden rule. Because leadership is, is not only about building successful companies.

12:08 It's about building successful people. Companies grow because people grow. Culture improves because people improve. Business, businesses succeed because leaders invest in people first. The greatest return on leadership is not always measured in revenue. Sometimes it's measured in the confidence you build in another person. So here's a question I wanna leave with you. Who is better because you were there? Who was more confident because you believed in them? Who is more capable because you gave them an opportunity?

12:45 Who is becoming a better leader because they watched you? If nobody is better, we may just be using the wrong scoreboard. This week's education challenge is simple. For the next seven days, lead like someone is watching, because someone probably is. First, I want you to encourage someone. Notice their effort. Give them confidence. Say the thing you assume they already know. Second, I want you to clarify something. Do not assume people understand the vision in your head. Explain it. Ask questions.

13:21 Make them see what you see. Third, become an important conversation. Ask yourself the question, "If someone remembered this moment 25 years from now, would I be proud of how I handled it?" Encourage, clarify, lead intentionally. That is the challenge. I still think about that operations manager. I we- I wonder whether he ever realized how much those four words changed my life, "I've been watching you." Maybe he never thought about it again, but I have remembered it for more than 30 years. And 25 years later, a former employee reminded me that influence travels farther than leaders can see.

14:07 Sometimes you plant a seed, and someone else tells you years later that it actually grew. That is the privilege and the responsibility of leadership. So the next time you think nobody notices, remember that somebody probably does. The next time you are tempted to cut a corner, remember that somebody may be learning from your example. The next time you think leadership, you think leadership begins after the promotion, remember my story. Leadership began long before I received the title, because someone was already watching, and maybe someone is watching you today.

14:48 The question is not whether you are influencing people, the question is whether what you are teaching them. What are you teaching them? Because leadership is more often caught than taught. I'm gonna say that again. Leadership is more often caught than taught. If this episode challenged your thinking, I would appreciate it if you subscribe to the podcast, left a review, shared it with someone who is trying to become a better leader. And do not forget to subscribe to my free Discipline Over Comfort newsletter, 'cause every Tuesday I share practical leadership lessons, business insights, AI strategies, and real-world execution ideas you can ap- you can apply immediately.

15:29 You will find all the links in the description below. Until next time, remember, you do not get to choose who is watching. You only get to choose what they see. Lead accordingly. And as always, choose discipline over comfort. Until next time, bye-bye.